Journal Entry 194

As time is continuing, I come to the realization that the timing of asking a father if he will allow me to be in a relationship with his daughter and if she is interested in me is very crucial. I am almost near finished with the first volume of Hudson Taylor’s biography, and I read the chapters where he discussed his love interest. It seems very providential of the Lord that I am reading this about him during this season in my life. I was not expecting this at all. The more I seek the Lord in my personal interest, the more I see that I the clearest way to know if this woman is interested in spending the rest of her life in me is if I ask the father.

I know and believe that this is the best approach in pursuing this particular woman in my church: consult with her Heavenly then ask the earthly father. I do not intent to make this into a love story. These are the realities of my life right now. I spoke with a seasoned Christian, married man, and he told me that God will give me what is best. “He will not withhold any good thing from those who walk uprightly.”

If the father disapproves then that is what I need. If the father approves but the woman is not interested then that is what I need. If the father approves and the woman is interested then that is what I need. If God wants me to be single then I will run faster in this Christian race. If God wants me to be married then my future wife will help me run faster in this race. There is nothing to lose on my part.

I have been burdened by this issue ever since I was first saved. I grew up desiring marriage so much because I saw how my older siblings had serious companionship, and 2/3 married at a young age. They were not Christians by any means, and my view of marriage was a corrupted view and not of the one upheld by God. Nonetheless, I strongly for marriage after I got saved, but I was only 15 years old.

God swiftly let me knew at the time that I was not ready for marriage, but I could start preparing. That is what I did. There were times of major setbacks, but there were much more time of advancement in the sanctification process and maturity. At 24 years old, I am in my 9th year of being a Christian. It is amazing how the Lord has gotten me this far. However, I do not believe God got me this far just to get this far. I believe a prudent wife comes from the Lord. I have a list of characteristics and quality that I am praying and being watchful for. And, if God wants me to wait longer then I gladly will. I will not allow rejection to discourage me and to slow me down. I have gone through much emotional pain in this life and in the Emergency Department, a place filled with tragedy. The Lord has prepared me for this moment.

Now that my church is heading into a weak of prayer and fasting, this issue will definitely be dealt with. Then I will wait for more clarity from the Lord. There will be VBS next week, and we will minister together. Perhaps, the Lord will answer more prayers by then. I do not want my burdens to be a distraction from the week of prayer and fasting and from VBS. As of right now, I believe it is best to wait afterwards. I trust the Lord will give me boldness to speak to her father about this matter.



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